


two seconds

by pararrayos



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Bullying, M/M, Suicide, i'm rly sorry for this, sad fic, slight bullying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-08
Updated: 2014-05-08
Packaged: 2018-01-24 00:49:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1585616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pararrayos/pseuds/pararrayos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’d really kill myself for you, Shin-chan.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	two seconds

**Author's Note:**

> this is actually my first fic posted here omfg ???? please go easy on me

_“Shin-chan! Shin-chan! Look here, I’m flying!”_

_“Don’t be stupid, Takao, you’re not flying, you’re…”_

_“That’s right I’m not flying; I’m floating, because I’m…”_

 

Midorima wakes up sweating and breathing heavily. He squints at the desk beside him where his digital clock was placed. _3:04_ _am,_ it read, somehow it blared holes into Midorima’s eyes.

-xxx-

Midorima looked to his left where the window was closed, and droplets of rain hit against the glass. He watched the droplets slide and race against one another until they reach the bottom where they pool and ultimately fall to the ground.

_A 6-story building._

_Two seconds is all that it takes to reach your end from a fall from a 6-story building._

 

He continued watching the same process: hit, slide, race, pool, and then fall. The droplets looked so elusive.

 

_When you try to reach for them, all they do is fall on your hand and splatter into beads of water._

 

Last period ended, the school bell rang, but Midorima remained in his seat watching the cycle again and again and again.

“Midorima-kun,” their female class representative went to his place, and said in a concerned voice, “it’s time to get up.”

“Get away from him, Aya,” the male class representative said, “don’t you see that he’s crying?”

And he was right, Midorima was crying in his seat. The usual Midorima would turn his head away and make up an excuse to convince them that he wasn’t crying. But Midorima wasn’t his usual self, and no one knows when he would return to normal.

“Ahh, I’m sorry,” she apologized, “Can you close the classroom once you’re…”

She trailed off, and Midorima gave her a small nod. The class representatives left him in peace.

Midorima wouldn’t talk, much less care about the world around him. It’s as though he lost his very reason for living.

-xxx-

_“You don’t have to look at them, Shin-chan.”_

_“…”_

_“Just look at me and call my name, that’s all you need to do.”_

_“You do know that’s impossible, because…”_

_“I know… that’s why, why don’t you join me?”_

_“…”_

_“It’s lonely being alone.”_

_“…”_

_“Just two seconds and I’ll be ready to love you again.”_

It was becoming a pattern that Midorima would wake up at exactly 3:04am with ragged breathing and sweat-soaked shirt and sheets. He ran a hand through his damp hair while he let his tears fall.

He whispered hoarsely to the wind, his voice sounded like the cries of an injured child, “Takao wouldn’t say that… Takao wouldn’t… I don’t know what to do…”

 

_What should I do, Takao?_

 

-xxx-

 

The sound of sneakers squeaking against the floor, the sound of an impossibly clean shot passing through the net, the sound of their captain shouting at his teammates to get their game on, Midorima remembers all of these. He passed through the gym where he _used_ to play with Shuutoku’s stupidly obnoxious point guard. Beads of sweat would trail down his neck, down to his collarbones where they would seep through his t-shirt, all the while smiling at their ace and giving a thumbs-up, even though Midorima found it thoroughly embarrassing, he knew deep inside that he found it extremely cute.

“Let’s go, Taka—“ he almost completes the statement. He looks over his shoulder to see no one but piled up dust and small rocks. He closes his eyes, and imagines a certain raven-haired man behind him talking away about the most incomprehensible things, and calling out his pet name in the most goddamn loving way.

 

_Shin-chan._

 

-xxx-

 

Midorima dreamt something different that night. It wasn’t about random conversations with Takao, it was about the past. It scared him even more. He knew he was dreaming, but he couldn’t get himself to wake up. So he just watched in horror as the events unravel itself once again like a movie in black and white.

_On Takao’s and Midorima’s desks something repulsive was written in bold black letters._

_Gays! Queers! Faggots! Cocksuckers!_

_It went on and on. Midorima took a while before he could process the words written illegibly on his desk, Takao eyes went wide and looked at his classmates’ fake concerned looks._

_“Shin-chan!” he exclaimed._

_“I’m fine, I’m going to get cotton and alcohol,” the bespectacled man said calmly as if unfazed. He went outside of their classroom and down the hallway where the infirmary was located. Takao followed suit, but he couldn’t miss the subdued laughter of his classmates as both of them exited._

_“Hey did you see that?” a girl’s voice asked silently, but it was loud enough to pierce Takao’s eardrums._

_“Yeah, they were totally gay.”_

_“Gross,” a man’s voice this time, scoffed._

_Takao swallowed the dry lump in his throat, cold sweat was beginning to drench his back._

_Another series of events played like they were on repeat. It showed scenes where Takao opened his shoe locker to find a box of thumbtacks, and a piece of paper where a death threat was written._

_Another showed a scene where Takao was being bullied and he was covered in bruises. Another one was the time they both kissed and a group of boys saw them and started to call out names to Takao. And it went on and on. And Midorima didn’t fail to notice that all of those harassments were directed to Takao only._

Midorima was able to open his eyes now, and he sighed in relief when the dream—nightmare was over. He rubbed his temples, took deep breaths and exhaled.

“It was just a dream. Just a dream…”

_No, it was reality._

 

-xxx-

 

Midorima stopped on his tracks when he reached the courtyard, he looked at the ground. It was clean, spotless to be exact. Then he looked up where their school roof was located, 6-stories up from the ground. Memories from last month’s events unraveled through his head, so Midorima shut his eyes to erase them, He shook his head, and continued walking. There wasn’t a rickshaw waiting for Midorima at the gates of their school, nor Takao waiting and smiling so brightly at him.

So Midorima kept walking as he exited, he couldn’t remember that the clouds looked so gray before, nor did he remember that it always rained when he cried.

 

-xxx-

 

_“Was it really necessary to kill yourself?”_

_“But, Shin-chan…, they wouldn’t stop.”_

_“You didn’t answer my question.”_

_“They would’ve come to you next, if I didn’t do something. I don’t want you to get hurt.”_

_“Takao!”_

_“…Shin-chan…, people will never change unless something significant happens in their life. I needed to teach them a lesson.”_

_“But don’t you see, Takao? You made me sad, you made me so fucking sad!”_

_“The usual Shin-chan wouldn’t be so honest with his feelings,” Takao chuckled._

_“…Takao, please come back…”_

_“I can’t do that.”_

_They remained silent for a few minutes, before Takao spoke again with the same jolly voice he always had, “I’d really kill myself for you, Shin-chan.”_

 

-xxx-

 

When Midorima entered his classroom, and plopped himself on his seat, concerned eyes followed him. Everyone got quiet upon his entering, it surprised him, but he didn’t linger on the details that much.

Aya, the female class representative, approached him, and smiled sweetly at him, “Midorima-kun, are you feeling well?” she asked.

Green eyes stared blankly at chocolate ones, he opened his mouth to say something, “I don’t know…”

“Aya-chan, leave him alone,” probably one of her friends called out, but that didn’t seem to change her resolve.

The male representative approached him as well, and this time, Midorima’s eyes widened and his eyebrow shot up in confustion, “Midorima,” he bowed from his waist. “We’re sorry. Everyone’s sorry for what they did. It’s because of us that Takao…” he trailed off.

Midorima sighed before speaking, “…it’s okay…”

_No, it’s not._

 

-xxx-

 

_“How was your day, Shin-chan?”_

_“Boring.”_

_“Is that all?”_

_“…lonely.”_

_“Don’t be so pessimistic!”_

_Midorima sighed both in sadness and happiness, at least in his dreams he can be with Takao, “Our class representatives apologized to me today.”_

_“What for?”_

_“Because of you.”_

_“Oh…, what did you say?”_

_“I said that it was okay, even if it wasn’t. It’d be great if apologies could bring you back to life.”_

_“Are you still hung up?”_

_Green eyes glared sharp deadly daggers at silver ones, “What do you think?”_

_“Maybe it’s time for you to move on…”_

_“Easier said than done.”_

_The wind slapped lightly on their faces, and brushed their hairs until they were in rhythm with the speed and direction of midafternoon’s breeze._

_“Kill yourself, Shin-chan,” Takao sung it out like it was the most natural thing to say in the world._

_“What?”_

_“Kill the Shin-chan who’s still hung up about my death.”_

_“I don’t think I can…”_

_“Yes, you can! You can do it, because I believe in you. So go ahead and kill yourself.” In every dream Midorima had, the setting was always the same they were at the school roof where Takao took his own life on a rainy Friday afternoon. Takao made way for Midorima to climb the fences and railings. Midorima stayed in his place. They stared for each other for a long time, the sun was beginning to set, and the sky was still blue but tinted with orange and red highlights, “Just two seconds.”_

_“If I do that… I’m scared that I won’t be able to see you again.”_

_“It’s better than living in the past…”_

 

-xxx-

 

Friday afternoon, it was raining quite harshly, but fortunately there wasn’t any lightning and thunder involved. Oha Asa’s lucky item for Cancers today was an umbrella, and Midorima did bring the said item just as advised. He climbed plights of stairs until he was able to reach the school roof. He opened the door almost in time with how he opened the umbrella. He went outside, rain dribbled continuously.

He went near the metal wires and looked down. Everyone looked like ants in different colors and sizes. It scared him that Takao was able to jump so fearlessly from this height. It scared him even more that it only took two seconds to reach his end upon falling from a 6-story building.

The bespectacled man didn’t do anything, he just stood there, and remembering the events of last month’s mishap.

_There was Takao, already on the other side of the divider, from the side of his face he looked so calm and happy. It was raining, and Midorima couldn’t decipher if he was crying or not._

_“Takao!” Midorima shouted, his voice strained and panicked, “Don’t do it!”_

_Takao looked back, and Midorima could see his face clearly, he wore his usual grin, “Shin-chan, you don’t need to see this.”_

_“Get over here!” his voice being subdued by the loudness of the rain hitting the floor, “I’ll listen to what you have to say! We can pretend that this never happened, so please come over here.”_

_“It’s okay…, maybe it’s for the best. You can finally live your life normally. No one will ever pick on us ever again.”_

_“I don’t want this!”_

_“I love you, Shintarou,” Takao said his first name, without any childish honorifics, that made Midorima’s eyes widen and his pupils turn into slits, “I love you enough to kill myself. I love you enough to sacrifice everything I have, even my life.”_

_“Takao!”_

_“Live happily for me from now on, okay, Shin-chan?” he smiled for the last time._

_Midorima thought of going near him and grabbing his shirt, maybe that way he wouldn’t fall, but his legs were paralyzed with fear. He was too shocked to even cry, too scared to close his eyes and cover his ears when Takao finally jumped off the small ledge._

Midorima sighed, then he cleared his throat, he didn’t really know what he was doing there. But he felt that he just needed to.

“Takao…,” he started, “I didn’t mind if they were picking on us.”

“I didn’t really care, if they would pick on me next. As long as we were together…, I didn’t think anything else mattered.”

Midorima took a deep breath, and then exhaled, “I wish you were here with me…”

 

-xxx-

 

_“I don’t think I’m ready to kill myself yet.”_

_“But that’s…”_

_“Yeah, it’s wrong, I know. But let me live in a lie for a little more until I’m ready to give up on you.”_

_“Shin-chan…”_

_“Is that okay with you?”_

_“…just… Just make sure you’ll really move on in the future.”_

_“I will.”_

_“Promise?”_

_“Yes, I promise.”_

_“Do you really promise?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Do you really, really promi—“_

_“Takao.”_

_“I’m sorry.”_

_“I promise that I’ll move on, even if it’ll take another lifetime for me to achieve that.”_

_“…alright, if you say so.”_

_“Takao.”_

_“What is it, Shin-chan?”_

_“I love you.”_

_End._

**Author's Note:**

> it's a-okay if you didn't like the story ahah a hhh hh h i'm sorry i'm going to get better in writing im sorry rly rly sorry


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